Dreams 05/042012

Do you believe in the dreams you have at night? I had one last night that was so real I woke and was actually crying. Things have been going really good for us as you all have read. He is preparing for his trip to India and I am so happy for him. Am I going to miss him? Yes. But I'm glad that I get to share his excitement with him. I hope that he has fun while he's there and enjoys the experience. I don't want him over there feeling bad because I didn't get selected. I hope he understands that I really am okay with not going. So anyways, back to the dream. We were walking at the riverpark trail and he was holding my hand. We came upon a bench and he sat down and pulled me on his lap. He told me had something to tell me. My heart was beating and I was thinking this is it, the moment I've been waiting on and what better romantic way to tell me. He kissed me and then took a deep breath. "I don't want to hurt you but I have to tell you that I love someone else." What? Wait did I hear that right? I asked him to repeat it just so I was sure. He went on to tell me that it was one of the girls he had been texting and he fell in love with her. She makes him happy and gives him that feeling of wanting to live and enjoy life again. That's when I woke up. It was so real. I usually don't take my dreams too seriously but one thing that Larry always told me. I do what I have to do to keep peace with everyone and every situation. Is that what he's doing? Even with all my friends reading this and wanting to support me, they tell me it's not going to work out and I'm just going to get hurt. "You know how he is" is what they tell me. Do they really know something I don't? My best friends want me to come visit while he's gone. They say they are worried about me being alone while he's gone but I know that they are going to try to convince me to use this time to get over him and move on. Maybe that's what I need. I really do love him but I know it's not fair to me to not know what he really wants. My friends tell me what he tells them but how honest is he being with them? Afterall, he tells them that I'm lazy and don't clean or do laundry. I sleep all the time. I wish I could get some sleep. I just don't know what to do. I remember that one time he was doing that limo trip and was totally drunk and called me. Everything he said to me that night is still fresh in my mind. Maybe that's why I keep wanting to hold on. Maybe that's why I think there's hope. Or maybe that's why I should just move on. I do know that I have to decide what I want before he leaves. If I do decide to just move on, I can not answer his calls or email for however long he's gone. That will definately do it. One thing I know for sure is if he doesn't tell me he loves me before he goes, I will be done. So the confusion of my life continues.............